Social Media is Killing Our Relationships
(But I know how to fix it)
Social media is killing our relationships
I was so enamored by Facebook in 2008 when I first joined. Being back in touch with people I hadn’t heard anything about in almost twenty years was fuel for my soul. I loved being back in touch with my friends so much that I started searching for long lost friends through other means to encourage them to join Facebook.
It was also the beginning of the end of my marriage.
Facebook reminded me of how isolated I had become in my abusive marriage and how miserable it was to be disconnected.
Back then, Facebook had no ads, no reels, no groups, and the term “influencer” was meaningless. It was more like broadcasting what music you were listening to while making dinner, and here is the recipe.
We spent our time putting Flair buttons on our friends’ bulletin boards and scanned old pictures of a more youthful time for Throwback Thursdays.
Facebook was all about connecting and laughing and catching up.
But just like an addiction to alcohol, what once was a fun social activity has now become something that we scarcely can avoid even though it has become toxic and it’s destroying our relationships.
In recovery, there is a saying that “addiction is the opposite of connection” and that is exactly what social media has become. An addiction to outrage, to keeping up with the Jones’, to commenting on the scandal of the day, and an addiction that keeps us from being present in our own lives.
I have been front and center in this toxicity.
Of course, it can be an amazing tool to gather people for online events, planning in person activities, and, if used correctly, it can be a way to stay in touch after those gatherings.
Case in point in the beauty of social media is the incredible celebration my sorority, Chi Omega, had this past weekend at Appalachian State University for our 50th year on campus. We heavily relied on social media to gather our planning committee, to spread the word about the event, and we are using it now to stay connected by forming smaller regional groups in an attempt to plan future get togethers.
I absolutely loved my time as a Chi Omega at App State. It continues to be one of the most formative experiences of my life and has had a rippling effect throughout the years. But I confess that I was NERVOUS about showing up. I even reconsidered if I was going at all. For those who know me, you may be shocked to hear that because I have always had a case of FOMO when it comes to my beloved Chi O’s.
The nerves came because I have had my fair share of political fallouts with my sisters. We all have our opinions, and they can be STRONG and can bring out the fight in us like we would rarely do in person. I can’t speak for others, but something about being a keyboard warrior will flip a switch and bring out the worst in me. Problem is that keyboard warrioring doesn’t really work when you actually have a relationship with that person.
The person that you once knew in school or at work or in your neighborhood that you could fill up a scrapbook of memories with slowly morphs into the person you only know on Facebook. Your only interactions become comments for agreeing or arguing and when you aren’t butting heads, you will comment or like each other’s posts about family or announcements. Things might be good for a while, but it’s always in the back of your mind when you last argued and when two people are passionately on opposite sides of an issue, it can do real damage.
I’ve taken part in damaging so many relationships. So, I’m sure you can now see why I would be nervous to reunite with some of the people I spent years adoring and other years it was questionable.
Well friend, I’ve got some grand news.
The antidote to the poisoning of social media is injecting yourself with some old-fashioned gathering in real life. In person. With nothing but fun on the agenda.
Yall, all the politics, all the memes, all the gnashing of teeth simply melted away as soon as I spotted my peeps.
The first of several Chi Omega festivities of the weekend started off on Friday night for an informal bar meetup. I was fashionably an hour late and as soon as I opened the door a flood of familiar and loved faces was upon me. My heart leapt in joy, and it could not be contained. It took me ten minutes to make it to the name tag station as I instinctively pulled each person towards me in a hug. The beauty of it all was overwhelming. My ex-husband used to tell me I had a certain smile reserved only for Chi Omega. I suppose the special place they have in my heart seeps out that way.
As I continued seeing the women I was most nervous about reuniting with, none of my worries came to fruition. Each hug, each reconnection felt just as good as all the others, and it was not lost on me.
There were many times throughout the reunion that I would step back and take a moment to breath it all in. Seeing the packed venues, watching all the faces alight with true joy, hearing the unmistakable screams of delight as sisters embraced again for the first time in decades. Oh, it was magic, it was spiritual. It is the true meaning of what it means to be a part of something that brings people together in the best way possible.
It’s exactly the opposite of what social media has become.
Something changed in me during this celebration. I recognize that I need to be more intentional about how I use social media. I need to stay mindful that these platforms are designed to divide us while insisting it’s meant to unite.
Social media is here to stay, so we must remain vigilant in spending one on one time with the people we want to keep in our circle. These friendships need to be nurtured in ways other than social media. Seeing each other, texting one on one, or in small groups, zoom calls, getting on a damn phone call, as scary as that seems, and sending cards are all ways we can mitigate the distancing that can happen when we only interact online.
As I reflect on this weekend, I am filled with gratitude for the bonds that have stood the test of time and the genuine connections that were rekindled. This reunion has reminded me of the irreplaceable value of face-to-face interactions and the profound impact they have on our well-being. Moving forward, I vow to prioritize these real-life moments, to cherish the laughter, the embraces, and the meaningful conversations that truly enrich our lives.
In a world that often feels fragmented, it is these moments of unity and love that ground us, reminding us of our shared humanity. Let us hold onto them tightly, nurturing our friendships with intention and care. For it is in these connections that we find our true selves and the strength to navigate whatever life throws our way. Here's to the beauty of reconnection and the joy of being present in each other's lives.